Finding yourself in a real life dismal irish novel

We've all read them: I was born poor, raised miserable, I didn't enjoy my life and then I died. Here are a few boring anecdotes from the protagonist's life.

I went to see a house with Sinéad the other day, and unwittingly became a character in a rather creepy irish novel.

The house was a small stone cottage on about 1 acre. An offer was in for €280,000. I said "no" from the outside. If I thought the outside was bad, the inside was worse.

Before we went in, another couple viewing the place came out and gave us "the eyes". I think they were trying to convey the horror within.

Two men were crammed in the kitchen with a baby, we entered with estate agent and shook their hands. They told us the kitchen was five years old, this estimate was presumably in dog years.

We saw the rest of the cottage in three minutes. In the sitting room cum corridor/bedroom ante-chamber the women of the house was standing by the fireplace smoking a fag. She told us this little story:

"See this fireplace? Original. My father built it with his own hands. Fourteen years dead today. I remember it. It's my mother's birthday. I have a candle lighting for him here."

We left, and shall not be putting in an offer.

10 Things I could own without selling my house

Here is a list of ten things that I could own with out selling my house.

The rules of my completely made up game are:
1)I'd like them
2)I could buy them
3)I'm not going to buy them
4)It is very unlikely that anyone else will buy them for me

I realise that all the items on the list are probably a little geeky. So what? It's my list.


A complete set of 2000ad (STG£1,250)

A room full of comics - ($9,999)

Château d'Yquem, Sauternes - 1959 - (€2,330)

Mindball (140,000 SKK - €15,000)

Galaga Cocktail Arcade Game (€1,995)

Lithograph No.1: Neil Gaiman
By Dave Sim & Neil Gaiman ($1,025)

One of those stupid sony dogs (STG£1,399)

A fully stocked saltwater fish tank (€5,000+)

Dirk Pitt's Orange face Doxa Dive Watch ($1,149)

Nexstar 11GPS telescope (€6,728)

From whence you came – A reply

Samantha Mumba

Probably you came here looking for images of Samantha Mumba, the patron saint of traffic, apparently. Sadly we get a lot of hits for this image and considering that the single picture we have of her is a very bosomy one, I humbly suggest you are a bunch of very frustrated guys. Very frustrated guys who are bored in work by the looks of things.

Thanks for the traffic guys.

Google medicals in Kent

I respectfully suggest you do not know how to use the internet. Typing into a generic search engine “Google medicals in Kent” is not a google search. Still, I hope that the Mills & Boon riff you ended up with made you laugh.

Thanks for the traffic guy.

Rental accomadation in Castlerea

Your bad spelling of accommodation brought you to our site. One of Michael’s posts is responsible for our spelling mistake, I’m leaving it stand. I hope you enjoyed me giving out about the killing of Garda McCabe in Castlerea, and that this didn’t stop you from visiting what, I am sure, is a perfectly wonderful town.

Thanks for the traffic guy.

"Most expensive element" Californium

You knew what you were looking for and I had done the research on this. It was a pleasant change that someone came looking for some information and got rewarded with exactly what they were looking for.

Thanks for the traffic guy.

Ho Chi Minh City blowjob

What the hell are you looking for fella? Going on holiday soon? Reading Michael’s diaries got you this far, but I don’t think we can help. Pervert.

Thanks(!) for the traffic guy.

Poetry on drugs, pain

This has come up a couple of times, courtesy of HotBot. I can’t find what page it brings you to, as the referrer tag seems to be broke. Not much poetry here now, but here is a haiku about drugs just in case you come back:

Hard drugs are brilliant
Take heroin and cocaine
Get out of your head

Hope this helps!

Thanks for the traffic guy.

Poetry John Hatcher

This brought you to Marked for Death starring Steven Seagal as John Hatcher. I seriously doubt this was what you were looking for. Sorry to waste you time. I have no idea who the real John Hatcher is.

Thanks for the traffic guy