Life's Mulligan
Growing old. Sore knee
Years pass. High BP.
Looking back. Missed chances.
Moan and whine. Fuck you Time!
Broken I sigh, ‘Where’s my Mulligan?’.
Flash of lighting. Crashing thunder.
‘Ok’ God booms, ‘You can have this chance’.
‘This one opportunity. To redo life’s dance.’
So off I head, flash crash in time.
At precisely eighty-eight. The clock destroyed.
Enjoying different school. Fearless. Education.
Playing sport. Win or Lose, Participation.
Picking a job I like. More career challenge.
Setting tougher goals, I know I’ll manage.
Meeting more people, not TV sets.
6 Billion friends I haven’t met.
Travelling the world or some at least
So much to see, horizons to breach.
Playing some music, trying to entertain.
Being in front, fear not shame.
So while living my new life, do you know what I’ve found?
That I can actually hear the same old sound.
The knock knock knocking of opportunity missed.
With so much more done, and yet I still feel pissed.
Its apparently one of life’s little conditions.
No matter how much you have, there’s always ambition.
So watch out now, here comes cold water.
Do-over gone, back where we started.
But I see the answers quite clearly now.
A route forward. Solutions abound.
Past mistakes do not provide.
Reason enough to duck and hide.
So histories dreams will be revived
I hereby declare my life alive.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
While driving in this morning I heard Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody‘s free to wear sunscreen" on the radio. It seemed like good advice to live life by.
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
This of course reminded me of advice a father once gave to his son.
Lord Polonius
Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There; my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
This of course reminded me of advice a father once gave to his son.
Lord Polonius
Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There; my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!
Cube Life
Hi, my name’s Michael, prisoner 4631.
Serving 20 to life, for shit I shouldn’t have done.
Trapped in a 12 by 12, here on cubicle row.
In the ILIM penitentiary, life goes slow.
My story’s familiar, all much the same.
So I’ll bitch and moan, and apportion some blame.
Starting with a 12 year stint, in some humdrum school
Learning to read and write, while not being cool.
A five year spin, followed quite soon
At the DCU Pen., attached to the nerd platoon.
I had just got out, unburdened and free.
When along came a job, for a man with a degree.
I should of known better, tried to keep my nose clean.
But greed grabbed a hold, like you never have seen.
So here I am, trapped in my cell.
Shit, Cock, Fuck. I silently yell.
Hours tick by, I chalk up the days.
Memories of freedom, all but a haze.
Tied to my desk, these manacles clink.
The monotony for sure, could drive me to drink.
I refuse to despair; I’m going to get out.
To fulfil dreams and ambition, I’m in no doubt.
I’ll dig a tunnel or two, and never be seen.
Hopefully more James Coburn, than Steve McQueen.
Hi, my name’s Michael, prisoner 4631.
Serving 20 to life, for shit I shouldn’t have done.
Trapped in a 12 by 12, here on cubicle row.
In the ILIM penitentiary, life goes slow.
My story’s familiar, all much the same.
So I’ll bitch and moan, and apportion some blame.
Starting with a 12 year stint, in some humdrum school
Learning to read and write, while not being cool.
A five year spin, followed quite soon
At the DCU Pen., attached to the nerd platoon.
I had just got out, unburdened and free.
When along came a job, for a man with a degree.
I should of known better, tried to keep my nose clean.
But greed grabbed a hold, like you never have seen.
So here I am, trapped in my cell.
Shit, Cock, Fuck. I silently yell.
Hours tick by, I chalk up the days.
Memories of freedom, all but a haze.
Tied to my desk, these manacles clink.
The monotony for sure, could drive me to drink.
I refuse to despair; I’m going to get out.
To fulfil dreams and ambition, I’m in no doubt.
I’ll dig a tunnel or two, and never be seen.
Hopefully more James Coburn, than Steve McQueen.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Inspired by a book I had read recently and a comment by Connor at the lunch table I went in search of the Illuminati.
Big tip ...... never use the internet to search for 'NutBar' information.
The upshot of all this is the coming new world order ...... the most worrying link is the last .....
Here are some "Facts"
{Deep Breath}
1.The Background
A man named Adam Weishaupt founded a secret society in Bavaria in 1776, that had as it’s goal, to rule the world. The methods they would use would be assassinations, bribery, blackmail, revolutions, and espionage. Their model of organization was similar to the Jesuit Order and the steps and degrees of Freemasonry. They intended to control and manipulate banks and bankers, money-lending powers, the world’s financiers. They intended to cause economic collapses, wars, bloody uprisings and revolutions around the world, with each upheaval calculated to re-structure the status quo leaving the Illuminati in greater positions of influence, and poised for their next step. The main enemies or “targets” of The Illuminati in the 1700s were the kings and queens, the monarchies of Europe, and, the Church. The two most-remembered Illuminati-caused revolutions in history, were, the French Revolution and Reign of Terror (1788-1799), and the Russian Revolution of 1917 that first made Communism a world power. The Illuminati and it’s diabolical conspiracy was very real. These things actually happened and are a matter of world history. The Illuminati Conspiracy got exposed. The authorities made raids and seized Illuminati documents. In its day this was all public headline news, not some obscure, rare, or arcane knowledge. There you have the basic gist of it. That is the starting point. That is what people usually mean by “The Illuminati.”
2. Some links.
Conspiricy theorists are obsessed by The Dollar Bill
What people say about them...
For a load of end of times stuff check out ... those crazy Christians...
And for all the geeks ...what we always new about Mic**s**t.
Finally .... Do you believe this ? Geoge W listens to this bloke?
Big tip ...... never use the internet to search for 'NutBar' information.
The upshot of all this is the coming new world order ...... the most worrying link is the last .....
Here are some "Facts"
{Deep Breath}
1.The Background
A man named Adam Weishaupt founded a secret society in Bavaria in 1776, that had as it’s goal, to rule the world. The methods they would use would be assassinations, bribery, blackmail, revolutions, and espionage. Their model of organization was similar to the Jesuit Order and the steps and degrees of Freemasonry. They intended to control and manipulate banks and bankers, money-lending powers, the world’s financiers. They intended to cause economic collapses, wars, bloody uprisings and revolutions around the world, with each upheaval calculated to re-structure the status quo leaving the Illuminati in greater positions of influence, and poised for their next step. The main enemies or “targets” of The Illuminati in the 1700s were the kings and queens, the monarchies of Europe, and, the Church. The two most-remembered Illuminati-caused revolutions in history, were, the French Revolution and Reign of Terror (1788-1799), and the Russian Revolution of 1917 that first made Communism a world power. The Illuminati and it’s diabolical conspiracy was very real. These things actually happened and are a matter of world history. The Illuminati Conspiracy got exposed. The authorities made raids and seized Illuminati documents. In its day this was all public headline news, not some obscure, rare, or arcane knowledge. There you have the basic gist of it. That is the starting point. That is what people usually mean by “The Illuminati.”
2. Some links.
Conspiricy theorists are obsessed by The Dollar Bill
What people say about them...
For a load of end of times stuff check out ... those crazy Christians...
And for all the geeks ...what we always new about Mic**s**t.
Finally .... Do you believe this ? Geoge W listens to this bloke?
Which of the Mr.Men are you?
A question I have not often contemplated. Still, the question was posed by Mark in the pub, and so I have done a little research. My! What a lot of Mr.Men there are! What a tiny web presence they have! Not a single javascript quiz that I could find with a half-assed google search! Bah! I'm not going to write one. Instead I have chosen a mister man for myself. If you disagree, let me know, I'll change it.
Mr. Daydream
Before you go - Find out what breed of cow you are.
A question I have not often contemplated. Still, the question was posed by Mark in the pub, and so I have done a little research. My! What a lot of Mr.Men there are! What a tiny web presence they have! Not a single javascript quiz that I could find with a half-assed google search! Bah! I'm not going to write one. Instead I have chosen a mister man for myself. If you disagree, let me know, I'll change it.
Mr. Daydream
Before you go - Find out what breed of cow you are.
Monday, August 11, 2003
Friday, August 08, 2003
A quick note about lunch today:
Extensive talking but not much time to blog. So, here's a summary
Did Karl Marx exists or was he an Idealogical construct? This was a one liner (not original read a biography of Philip K Dick), that led neatly on to did Shakespeare exist? The internet is alive with this one. The runners (expect highbrow mini-poll soon) are Francis Bacon, the Earl of Essex, Christopher Marlowe, the Earl of Derby, the Earl of Rutland, the Earl of Oxford, and Queen Elizabeth I. Here's tuppence, feel free to add it.
The conversation progressed probably via non-sequitur to Michael Ironside and Kurtwood Smith, and who starred in what action movie. I foolishly suggested Kurtwood Smith for Total Recall and in fact was dead wrong. That's right! it was Michael Ironside, and according to his number one fan it's his favorite movie. Conversation moved on to "V" probably due to a subliminal Michael Ironside reference, who was a star. The other guy in V? Not anyone with a publicity still on IMDB.....
The last (well 2nd last) thing discussed was Chinese and the fact that English speaking kids at 4 have fluency, which Chinese kids have to wait until they are 7. Reasons could include the fact the chinese is essentially phonemic, i.e each syllable receives a particular tone, which is as characteristic as the height of the vowels in it, and can distinguish words.
So if you are going to create your own language, especially off an oriental modal keep the following in mind:
Phonological constraints
Each language has combinations of sounds that are considered difficult, forbidden, or impossible. These are called phonological constraints, and are the moulds into which any word has to be made to fit for the sake of coherence and "familiarity". The rules of syllable- and word-formation are part of what is called phonotactics (i. e. which sounds can come in contact with other given sounds).
English is quite free of phonological constraints. Hence the enormous quantity of foreign words it has been able to absorb, like garage, sombrero, mosquito, ersatz, schmuck... Some languages do not resist such invasions.
The last thing talked about? A constant. And there is no point discussing constants...
Extensive talking but not much time to blog. So, here's a summary
Did Karl Marx exists or was he an Idealogical construct? This was a one liner (not original read a biography of Philip K Dick), that led neatly on to did Shakespeare exist? The internet is alive with this one. The runners (expect highbrow mini-poll soon) are Francis Bacon, the Earl of Essex, Christopher Marlowe, the Earl of Derby, the Earl of Rutland, the Earl of Oxford, and Queen Elizabeth I. Here's tuppence, feel free to add it.
The conversation progressed probably via non-sequitur to Michael Ironside and Kurtwood Smith, and who starred in what action movie. I foolishly suggested Kurtwood Smith for Total Recall and in fact was dead wrong. That's right! it was Michael Ironside, and according to his number one fan it's his favorite movie. Conversation moved on to "V" probably due to a subliminal Michael Ironside reference, who was a star. The other guy in V? Not anyone with a publicity still on IMDB.....
The last (well 2nd last) thing discussed was Chinese and the fact that English speaking kids at 4 have fluency, which Chinese kids have to wait until they are 7. Reasons could include the fact the chinese is essentially phonemic, i.e each syllable receives a particular tone, which is as characteristic as the height of the vowels in it, and can distinguish words.
So if you are going to create your own language, especially off an oriental modal keep the following in mind:
Phonological constraints
Each language has combinations of sounds that are considered difficult, forbidden, or impossible. These are called phonological constraints, and are the moulds into which any word has to be made to fit for the sake of coherence and "familiarity". The rules of syllable- and word-formation are part of what is called phonotactics (i. e. which sounds can come in contact with other given sounds).
English is quite free of phonological constraints. Hence the enormous quantity of foreign words it has been able to absorb, like garage, sombrero, mosquito, ersatz, schmuck... Some languages do not resist such invasions.
The last thing talked about? A constant. And there is no point discussing constants...
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Since lunch I've thinking more about the Principle of Peter, or more specifically the difference between a manager and a boss. Don't bother googling for P of P, or reading the book, because it summarises as "A person is promoted to the level of their incompetence". So with a very tenuous link I have decided to open this poll:
...POLL NOW CLOSED...
Multiple votes allowed, to make it easy for those that want to vote rig and keep their cookies.
...POLL NOW CLOSED...
Multiple votes allowed, to make it easy for those that want to vote rig and keep their cookies.
Friday, August 01, 2003
Following up on previous post, and no longer distracted by dolphin brain experiments, I have moved on to predetermination of your babies sex. Or how to have a boy. This stems from a conversation I had recently with my lovely wife (just banter - alright already!), and continued at lunchtime today.
The core issue here is that male sperm are fast swimmers, but run out of steam quickly. They are also the first sperm to be produced after ejaculation (Fact®).
Sooo. To make a boy, you will need:
1 x Ejaculation, daily, alone, for three days.
1 x Ovulation
1 x Deep penetration (dirty sex works just as well here)
Wait 5 minutes (pillow helps)
Congrats! A boy.
Variants on the reciepe include:
1 x Baking power douche everyday of the fertile week (ouch!)
1 x Douching with either vinegar water or Coke before sexual intercourse (eek!)
1 x Increasing your Testosterone levels
1 x Throwing your pants on the left bed post
Other indicators/theories can be found at:
The Chinese Birth Sex Chart
The Old Wives Birth Sex Chart
Now you know the facts. Go make boys.
The core issue here is that male sperm are fast swimmers, but run out of steam quickly. They are also the first sperm to be produced after ejaculation (Fact®).
Sooo. To make a boy, you will need:
1 x Ejaculation, daily, alone, for three days.
1 x Ovulation
1 x Deep penetration (dirty sex works just as well here)
Wait 5 minutes (pillow helps)
Congrats! A boy.
Variants on the reciepe include:
1 x Baking power douche everyday of the fertile week (ouch!)
1 x Douching with either vinegar water or Coke before sexual intercourse (eek!)
1 x Increasing your Testosterone levels
1 x Throwing your pants on the left bed post
Other indicators/theories can be found at:
The Chinese Birth Sex Chart
The Old Wives Birth Sex Chart
Now you know the facts. Go make boys.
While looking for sites that talk about what we were talking about at lunch today (or at least what I was talking about) I came across this site Dolphins and Man.....Equals? check out the section on Dr. John C. Lilly, who I am renaming Dr. Slightly Creepy Nutjob. After browsing the web a little more I see Dr.SCN has his own website. Locking yourself in an isolation tank with three dolphins after injecting yourself with 300 mgs of LSD will do something to a guy...
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