It sounds simple, but truly reliable software often turns out to be no more than a mirage.

1. Create self-healing programs, able to repair themselves (say, by reinstalling key files) when problems occur.

2. Create software that can patch and upgrade itself automatically. Many IT workers feel crushed by the constant need to download and install security patches for products like Microsoft's IIS Web server.

3. Beta-test their products to a much higher standard.

No application is ever bug-free.

Broke my own record,
Out of bed and in to work,
In fifty minutes.

I don't feel better for it.

The IT Team getting ready for action Monday night





And the post release drinks in the life bar

The aim of software testing is to identify and address all issues which would prevent software from meeting its requirements prior to its release. Until software is tested, the quality of that software is unknown.

Testing is expensive. It takes time to find problems, time to correct them and yet more time to test corrections. Problems are unavoidable, therefore the earlier a problem is identified, the cheaper it is to correct.

A Link

Do the Job ......

And a Haiku

Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack
Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack a Tree
Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack,Hack

On the train I saw,
A bumble bee, I saved it
From the idiots

Samantha Mumba wins!!

Well I stand corrected. A very scientific survey has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Samantha Mumba is Ireland's best looking female pop star. So in honour of Sam, here is a very tasteful picture of her.

The Chronology of Life.

Age 0, A nice young doctor prescribed me a life.
Top shelf, he said, doesn’t matter; They're all the same.
Have a job, car, house, kids and a wife.
In 70 years, you'll be back, to share the blame.

Age 10, Hulkster is great; my bike is cool.
After homework I play football with the boys.
Mommy says I'll be a doctor, if I work at school.
But I wanna be a fireman, 'cos I like the noise.

Age 20, Rock On. I live the lie.
I can be anything I want to be. It's my choice.
CEO, Musician, Painter. Don't care, I'll never die.
Party harder, drink more, live life, c'mon rejoice.

Age 30, Have a job, a car. Next a house, I'm told.
Twenties behind me. Growing more mature.
There'll soon be kids. Parenthood seems old.
But I'm still young and hip. Life in this dog, for sure.

Age 40, Just bought a shiny red Ferrari Ghost.
Not very practical, wife's lugging kids in the minivan.
Don't know if grey locks or bald patch annoys me most.
Job's going well, lots of money, I do the best I can.

Age 50, A friend from school died this week.
Really brought home that life is flying by.
My eldest will be leaving home soon, to seek
His own good fortune and new life. Softly, I cry.

Age 60, The kids came to visit last week, that was nice.
They're doing really well, success of my life.
I took early retirement, not sure if it was worth the price.
Back aches, hip sore, nasty cough. Worried about my wife.

Age 70, All alone now, and life is frayed.
Dear God, I asked, Why did you let her die?
I had a good run, did my best. Played
the hand the doctor dealt. I shouldn't cry.

Age .....
Dad's not here now, but he wanted me to say
Live hard. Make good choices. Be free. Don't waste a day.
Be sure to control your destiny. Make of your life
what you want, don't allow it to cause you strife.

You'll never guess what we talking about at lunch today....

....POLL NOW CLOSED...

This lunchtime the conversation mostly revolved around three topics.

Is the universe expanding? Nasa think so and boldly go so far as to try and put a figure on it. Nasa are running with the seemingly incredibly popular Hubble Constant which ironically enough isn't a constant at all. They integrate this into the The Einstein-deSitter Universe in which (oddly) large measurements of the Hubble Constant can result in an age of the Universe being younger than the objects we know are in it, an obvious impossibility. To fix this, they simply change the value of the Hubble Constant. Apparently this is called science, not cheating. Most agencies seem to believe that the universe is expanding. Except this bloke who may be very intelligent, or a nutcase, or both.

The conversation then moved on to the rumoured existance of a car made entirely from, and running on bananas. Built by ingenious mexican students I couldn't find any confirmation of this feat of brillance on the internet. Still interested in banana cars? Here is a placebo

Finally things got around to an island, that may or may not be off the coast of Indonesia, that has a trade embargo on it, that uses coconut oil instead of diesel. The internet was again remarkably short of information about this (lots about alternative fuels though, coconut diesel undeniably exists), and this guy has probably seen the same documentary, and that's good enough for me.

The truth is out there
Experimental probing
Space Monkeys and Greys

More 666

Did you know....

If you take my age ...35
Multiply it by the number of distinct personalities i have ...2
Add on the floor where i work ...4
And multiply by the number of cubicles ... 9 (inc unamatrix 0)
You get 666

[cue music from 'The Omen']

Shevaun Pennington
Learn to spell your name silly cow
I blame the parents

An Independent Life

Uncovered scandal, wherever she went.
Fearless at heart, exposing their shame.
Saw the drugs in the city; young life spent.
Set out determined to finger the blame.

After Cahill, Gilligan, Meehan, and Monk.
As brave as could be, she took them all on.
Finding robbery, murder; criminal funk.
Every Sunday her writing shone like the sun.

Of course playing with fire, noble and all,
Comes with a price, which we later all saw.
First came the warnings, then shot in the leg.
"Please stop this now", her husband did beg.

Enough was enough, and Gilligan struck.
Echo round Naas, sound of life being took.

Last Night I tried to write a Sonnet completely in Tautologies. The are two different types of Tautology; The first is the use of redundant expressions, the second (explained Mathematically here) is when a sentence is always true. While this may have been an interesting experiment in postmodern poetry, the verse itself was staggeringly, mind bloggingly (sic.) bad. Totally against the spirit of the blog, I am not going to post it here. Any poem that contains the line "Healthy birds can fly except for Emus and Ostriches" deserves to be left in the box.

Did you know there are ...

* 666 panes of glass in the Louvre Pyramid.

* The Beast, personifying the devil or Satan himself, has always been considered as "the one who says always NO" ("NON" in French) to the achievement of the divine will. And if we dial "NON" (in French) on the telephone keyboard, we press three times on the number 6.

*The Germany-Soviet pact lasted 666 days, of August 23, 1939 to June 20, 1941.

* In physics, the constant of the universal gravitation is equal to 6.66 x 10E-11 N×M²/kg².

* The name of Hitler gives 666 if we give the value 100 to the letter A in the German alphabet, others letters following the order:

H I T L E R
107 108 119 111 104 117 = 666


And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain

For Inspiration

Wonderous new life
Gazes upon bright new world
What adventure waits?

Alcohol deadens
Brutalises once great minds
Leaving ugly Marks

Fast Food Nation

We are completely the Fast Food Nations.
Munching sloppy burgers and greasy chips
Covered in cheese, garlic and fatty dips.
We demand instant service; no patience.

Creating a generation in bad health.
Slovenly couch bound; box remotes in hand,
Ass getting fatter, increasing waist band.
The Scythe Man, comes closer, slowly in stealth.

So, Empty your biscuit tins and beer kegs.
No more pizza, curries, heart clogging pies.
Walk instead of drive. Remember your legs?
A little exercise will change your size.

Ultimately, your lifestyle choice is nigh,
Decide whether you want to Live; to Die.

Have you ever dared
To travel north of two mile?
Haiku rap battle


Composing Haiku.
Fun; Interesting Challenge.
Atrophied mind sparks

Big Brother

Watching Contestants
Big Brothers Little Brother
Lets expel the bores

Davina McCall
Presents Fridays departure
of loud mouth Lisa

Time passes quickly.
bodies erode; Chances missed.
Capture the moments.

An homage to the Bard and the trout!

If trouties be the food of love, fish on!
Give me a 9ft rod, that fishing may set my stresses free

Troutie, Troutie , where for art thou Troutie

Friends, Romans and fishermen, lend me your flies!

When shall we three fish again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

airconditioning
apparently software bug
Oh! sweet irony

Fairest dimension we place all our trust
Our productivity we must increase
All interfaces true, this is a must
Discord systems reduce,control,decrease
With coke and hope, clear specs, our only fuel
Programmers, analysts together brought
Was ever there a project born so cruel?
A plan ,illusion, now there is a thought
How can those terrified vague fingers push
The sticky keys whence code and wisdom flies?
And how can work, laid in that white hot rush,
Be naught but wrong,where error lives and lies?
To sleep, to wake, to work, to code, to sleep
Completely mad,designed to make us weep

[But I am not Bitter]

Weeping Manchester
M56 crash; life fades
People, please slow down!

Manchester Winter
Arrived in Sweet Bright Summer
Seasons do not stop

News Link

we're gonna get you little fishy
we're gonna get you little fishy
knock you on the head
put you in some bread
we're gonna get you little fishy

I am gonna get out more ..... in honor if this weekends activities

haiku style SQL

SELECT pain,despair
FROM work,dimension,project
WHERE life = mine

I have to get out more.....

The OT crown slips ... just a little ..

He came, young footballer, great decision
No fanfare or press - without any plan
He grew into a player and a man
A sweet right foot, great vision
Commitment to team, manager and club
He played, he scored, won games and all our hearts
Seven passed, when eric, our king departs,
The king is gone, long live new king, not sub.
Along came the not so posh skinny thing.
Silly haircuts, sarongs and fashion soon --
replaced free kicks and double training
One too many front page star, and poor crossing;
And so the boot flew -- quickly changing scene
Now James VIII is a real spanish king.

Dimension - A sonnet

All things must fade. There is for most software
The same tomorrow as for a-regans:
Meetings pass, docs written, nothing good pans.
Our Dot Com shiny toys yet shall fare
Like shattered dreams of youth. A deep breath,
Most bosses defend their expensive thrills
And though young coders vaunt their upstart skills,
The whiff of our defeat shall entice death.
So--from IS2 to scud we prance
With heavy hearts we shuffle in the dark
Alongside Dimension, fanfare pipes,
Sick of her year long march of arrogance,
With too many bugs, and no likely spark
Her epigraph upon our cv types.


(Italian form) abbabbacdecde

REF 20030710020338483122

A throughly miserable sonnet in the style of Yukio Mashima, facist nutcase.

On a pier composing haiku not remembered
Haijin fishwives contemplate grief and loss
Gutting Red Snapper, throwing back the head
Holding off bad luck by feeding albatross
She sits dreaming, hands burned by the red suns heat
Ephemeral thoughts and long nothingness
She sits empty, Dreaming of young stockinged feet
Her old heart never feeling passions kind caress
A solice is found quite unexpectedly
In welcoming arms of death, her lungs fill
Salt water a release, the old woman not angry
At her saviours that learned how to kill
The ripples fade, the lady not remembered
A long life forgotton, but never really heard.

our sweaty butt cracks
warm sticky air floats about
please fix the A.C.


-- Note Office temp 26c.

Inspired by Sharon

No breeze all day to tease us,
Sweaty summer palm,
Conditioned to feel no air

Sharks probably fish

The French don't like anyone,

Even their own kids

Expression tru the medium of SQL ...


MERGE INTO HATE
USING DIMENSION
ON ( HATE.KEY = DIMENSION.KEY)
WHEN MATCHED THEN
UPDATE
SET loathing = 10 ,
frustration = 10
WHEN NOT MATCHED THEN
INSERT ( KEY, LOATHING,FRUSTRATION)
VALUES ( DIMENSION.KEY, DIMENSION.LOATHING,DIMENSION.FRUSTRATION);




select f**k||technology
from computers
where system = dimension

[Kearney]

Mon 30/06/03 18:29

There was an old brit called mark
who liked to fish in the dark
with muddy wellies of green
that had to be seen
he wondered "what the hell is a quark"!

[Michael]

Wed 02/07/03 16:52

There once was a fat man called Kearney
Who really did hate Mary Harney
He'd flash her his wares
Cause security scares
And get shot in the head by the army

[Kearney]

Fri 27/06/03 12:48

There was an English man named Kearney,
Who when working on Dimension went Barmey,
He went to Kildare street
Whipped out his meat
And waggled it for Mary Harney.

[Conor]

Fri 04/07/03 17:59

There once was a man called Murnane,
Went to Cuba, came back with no tan,
In the sack with Sinead,
Is where he had stayed,
Starting on his very own Clan

[Kearney]

Michael Hates Foreigners

Kearney hates turks.

Conor hates Scissors.

see the mad mother f***er
dimension, his dessert
cries for his mother

A brachycatalectic haiku by Kearney ...

82.6% of statistics are made up on the spot.

Scandanavia has a high suicide rate because the nights are six months long.

All Turks are mad.

In Turkey if a man performs a penetrative act on another man it does not make him gay.

Aids was caused by men in the congo having marital relations with monkeys.

The spire is the worlds largest sculpture.

The big toe is the most important toe for balance when walking.

Lee Harvey oswald worked alone.

Ireland is the greediest country in the world.