Do you have issues?

Bah. Straight to letter.

“Dear RTE Newsreaders,

There is no such thing as an issyous. There are issues. If you are having problems think of the verb ‘be’, third person singular present tense, to wit: ‘is.’ O.K? With me so far? Add an aitch. Not a haitch. This gives you an ‘ish’, pronounced like dish without the ‘d.’ End of step 1. Now look at your feet. What’s covering them? Yep, Shoes. End of step 2. Now put step 1 and 2 together. Ishshoes. Say it faster. Issues. End of step 3.

Now that that ishshoe is cleared up, lets tackle another controversy. Look at the last word in the preceeding sentence. No, that’s not how you pronounce it. Say again? Con-Trov-Es-E. Yep. Wrong. Good work with the first syllable though, we’ll keep that. Con. End of step 1. Next, think throw, but without the aitch, like you are in Drogheda. Tro. Con-Tro. End of step 2. Next, think poetry or Shakespeare. Verse. Easy huh? Con-Tro-Verse. Next (you’ll like this), keep your final syllable, you were half right all along! E. That’s it. Con-Tro-Verse-E. ConTroVerseE. Speed it up. Controversy.

Here endith the lesson. I am not a crank.

Yours etc.,”