You can't make this shit up.

Including 16 page booklet outling the history of 'The Troubles'

This is the Day
The Patriot Game
The Song of Partition
Chidren of Fear
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Plastic Bullets
The Men Behind the Wire
The Lough Sheelin Eviction
Go Home Bristish Soldiers
Danny Boy (The Derry Air)
Star of the County Down
In Belfast
Up the Border
The Green Glens of Antrim
The Old Orange Flute
The Old Brigade Dance Medley
The Old Brigade / On the One Road /
The Broad Black Brimmer/Celtic Symphony
Disc 2

Lament for the lost
We Shall Overcome
You’ll Never Beat the Irish Part III
Tyrone
Must Ireland Divided Be
Song of Liberty
The Orange and the Green
Long Kesh
The Sash Me Father Wore
Fermanagh Love Song
Hills of Glenswilly
Joe Mc Donnell
County of Armagh
Guildford Four
Billy Reid
Up the Rebels Dance Medley
Teddy Bears Head / Helicopter Song
Sean South / A Nation Once Again

The Wolfe Tones have a new 2CD album out for christmas. This really really is beyond parody. "Plastic Bullets?" Catchy! I liked the name so much I went I found the lyrics. I imagine that it is sung the same tune as the rest of their shit.

Plastic Bullets

So you divided up my land
Six counties stayed in England's hand
And so you take my home
But you cannot take my mind
Then you tried to keep me down
With your tanks and guns in my streets and towns
And you shoot your plastic bullets
To keep your plastic state

(Chorus)
In Ireland's troubled land
Each decade brings its rebel band
And forces of the crown
They try to bring them down
But the flowers will bloom again
And the people they will rise again
And then you shot him down
So all the world could see

Does it matter how you kill
You make the rules it is your will
But let your plastic bullets
To kill it's all the same
Oh I could not believe my eyes
You took those young lads by surprise
The way you shot them down
That day in Derry town

(Chorus)

Oh some justice we did seek
A place for all to live in peace
An island in the sea
Where people could be free
But you can not be proud
The way you shot him to that ground
A nightmare you shot them down
That night in Belfast town

(Chorus)

Then shoot me, shoot me down
Because I made my colors known
And I heard the mercy cry
Where people in fear do lie
In anger then he ran
With the banner stick all in his hand
And then you shot him down
And all the world could see

The day you shot Séan Dowd
That day in Belfast town

Available in all good record stores, and all shit ones too. Except on the Shankhill road, or maybe Lurgan.

The badly drawn fire safety manual

What to do in event of fire? Follow this badly drawn guide.

Say you work on the top floor of a four story building shaped like a horseshoe with an atrium in the middle, how would you get out?

1. Take the stairs



Verdict: Good. You’re out. Let’s make things harder.

2. There is a fire on the ground floor exits are blocked. Take the lift?



Verdict: Bad. You are stuck in the lift and probably dead.



3. Don’t panic



Verdict: Good. Very Douglas Adams, but you need a clear head to escape this towering inferno, and Steve McQueen isn’t going to help you.

4. To the roof?



Verdict: Good. Break the glass and take the steps to the roof. Follow the arrows on to the neighbouring roof, and slide down a handy awning to safety

5. But the roofs on fire?



Verdict: You’re fucked. Ring your loved ones, Break glass and jump.

Theres only one Dr Bonkers

If you find yourself feeling sorry for the Rev Paisley over the coming festive season. Remember these snippits of wisdom.

When Terence O'Neill held a meeting with Sean Lemass, Paisley shouted "No mass! No Lemass!"

After a Loyalist rally in 1968, Ian Paisely justified his violent anti-Catholic pleas by saying, "Catholic homes caught fire because they were loaded with petrol bombs; Catholic churches were attacked and burned because they were arsenals and priests handed out sub-machine guns to parishioners; and the massive discrimination in employment and shortage of houses for Catholics were simply because they breed like "rabbits" and multiply like "vermin".

In reference to the Unionist party's Jewish candidate, Harold Smith, he said, "The Unionist party are boasting he [Harold Smith] is a Jew. As a Jew, he rejects our Lord Jesus Christ, the New Testament, Protestant principles, the Glorious Reformation and the sanctity of the Lord's day. The Protestant throne and the Protestant constitution are nothing to him."

In 1968, in a heated debate with the fierce Republican Bernadette Devlin, he responded to her accusations of his unfair assumptions by saying he, "would rather be British than be fair."

During a visit from the Pope, Ian Paisley yelled "I denounce you. Anti-Christ" several times at the European Parliament. The whole affair can be heard on sermonaudio.com

Of cousrse he can be funny as well.....

"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."

"Line dancing is as sinful as any other type of dancing, with its sexual gestures and touching. It is an incitement to lust."

Ill leave it upto someone else ....

"If the word 'No' was removed from the English language, Ian Paisley would be
speechless"

-- John Hume