Only one product so far but many more to come.
The “I AM NOT A CRANK” T.
Features:
In block capitals to really get your point across
Lets civic authorities know that you’re serious
Ideal motivational attire when writing letters in your attic
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Lunchtime Merchandise
Due to the phenomenal demand of my own amusement, I am launching a range of clothing for the discerning lunchtime visitor.
Only one product so far but many more to come.
The “I AM NOT A CRANK” T.
Features:
In block capitals to really get your point across
Lets civic authorities know that you’re serious
Ideal motivational attire when writing letters in your attic
Only one product so far but many more to come.
The “I AM NOT A CRANK” T.
Features:
In block capitals to really get your point across
Lets civic authorities know that you’re serious
Ideal motivational attire when writing letters in your attic
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Unanswerables Answered
Snopes.com who try to answer urban myths and legends have a list of ‘Unanswerables’ posted here. In their own words they find the questions “too obscure or complicated […] to answer”
Here I try to pick up the slack.
Has anyone had to cut off their tongue because it frozen to a flagpole?
Only really, really stupid people.
Hi, I just wanted to ask if you could investigate this urban legend. 16 is the age of consent for having sex with someone over 18.
Depends what country you are in. If you are in the US you’d probably want to go to France where they’ll give you a medal instead of extraditing you.
Is Ciara a MAN????? PLEASE ANSWER ME BACK!!!!!
Yep.
I heard that bananas have a natural chemical that makes you happy. Is it also true that cockroaches can survive an atomic blast?
I love this question. Were you eating bananas when you wrote this?
I'm 19 and from Yuma, Az and I would like to know if this myth I'v been hearing is true? By masturbating it helps the chance by not getting cancer? Is that true?..also I'v hurd other myths about masturbation and don't know if those myths are true or not. But I would like to know about the question I asked befoe.
Keep masturbating buddy, hopefully it’ll keep you indoors and stop you breeding.
Is it true that a girl cannot get pregnant if her mate smokes the seeds of marijuana when he smokes marijuana, please tell me if this is true because a lot of people tell me it is true and a lot of people tell me it's not and I don't know whaether to believe it or not because this town lies a lot. thanks.
Are you from one of those states that has a God but no sex-ed? Yes you can get pregnant, but by the time you will have read this you probably know that for yourself.
Is the government really as controlling and secretive as books make them out to be? Are there really tons and tons of secret spies all over the world?
Ask yourself if there an answer you would believe for this question.
I would like to know what does work and what does not work for getting rid of 'hickeys.' Such as the cold spoon trick, toothpaste trick, etc.
Slag.
Well I hope that clears things up for all of you knowledge seekers. TTFN.
Friday, July 22, 2005
The Ae of Unreason
This is lifted directly from Poly Poynbee in todays Guardian.
Email her polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk
Two weeks on, London is stricken once more. The death cult strikes again, unstoppable in its deranged religious mania. This time no deaths but a savage reminder of the unknown waves of demented killers lining up to murder in the name of God.
Whatever they intended, the message was loud and clear: they can and will do this whenever they want and it does indeed spread very real terror. The police have said there are many more of them. The security services have already revealed that they know absolutely nothing.
In the growing fear and anger at what more may be to come, apologists or explainers for these young men can expect short shrift. This is not about poverty, deprivation or cultural dislocation of second-generation immigrants. There is plenty of that and it is passive. Iraq is the immediate trigger, but this is about religious delusion.
All religions are prone to it, given the right circumstances. How could those who preach the absolute revealed truth of every word of a primitive book not be prone to insanity? There have been sects of killer Christians and indeed the whole of Christendom has been at times bent on wiping out heathens. Jewish zealots in their settlements crazily claim legal rights to land from the Old Testament. Some African Pentecostal churches harbour sects of torturing exorcism and child abuse. Muslims have a very long tradition of jihadist slaughter. Sikhs rose up to stop a play that exposed deformities of abuse within their temples. Buddhism too has its sinister wing. See how far-right evangelicals have kidnapped US politics and warped its secular, liberal founding traditions. Intense belief, incantations, secrecy and all-male rituals breed perversions and danger, abusing women and children and infecting young men with frenzy, no matter what the name of the faith.
Enlightenment values are in peril not because these mad beliefs are really growing but because too many rational people seek to appease and understand unreason. Extreme superstition breeds extreme action. Those who believe they alone know the only way, truth and life will always feel justified in doing anything in its name. You would, wouldn't you, if you alone had the magic answer to everything? If religions teach that life after death is better then it is hardly surprising that some crazed followers will actually believe it.
Moderates of these faiths may be as gentle as the carefully homogenised Thought for the Day preachers. But other equally authentic voices of religion, the likes of Ian Paisley or Omar Bakri Muhammad, represent a virulent intolerance that is airbrushed out by an official intellectual conspiracy to pretend that religion is always or mainly beneficent. History suggests otherwise. So do events on the streets of London. Meanwhile the far left, forever thrilled by the whiff of cordite, has bizarrely decided to fellow-travel with primitive Islamic extremism as the best available anti-Americanism around. (Never mind their new friends' views on women, gays and democracy.)
It is time now to get serious about religion - all religion - and draw a firm line between the real world and the world of dreams. Tony Blair has taken entirely the wrong path. He has appeased, prevaricated and pretended, maybe because he is a man of faith himself, with a Catholic wife who consorts with crystals. But never was it more important to separate the state from all faiths and relegate all religion to the private - but well-regulated - sphere.
Instead David Blunkett said he wished he could spread the ethos of religious schools everywhere and Labour has done just that. The 3% of the population who are Muslim may well feel excluded in a country that makes so many special allowances for Christians when slightly more Muslims go to the mosque than Anglicans attend a church once a week.
A third of all state schools are religious. The National Secular Society, a lone voice in monitoring their onward march, reports that Labour has let 40 more nonreligious state secondaries be taken over by the Church of England in the last four years, with another 54 about to go. The Office for the Schools Adjudicator said in a recent report that the only reason faith schools often achieve better results is because of "their practice of selection from churchgoing families". That attracts the pretend churchgoers, but selection, not religion, is the magic.
In the face of this hypocrisy it seems a small thing to let Muslims have more schools too. Only this week Ruth Kelly (devout herself) announced plans to go ahead in her autumn white paper with more Muslim schools. Bombs, she said, would not stop her policy of offering more "choice" and allowing more faith groups, including Muslims, to run schools. A Hindu state school will open soon in Harrow.
But this is not choice. Only yesterday an angry email arrived from a parent on the south coast protesting that the only choice of primary school was a C of E, a Catholic and an oversubscribed ordinary school. Disqualified from the first two, failing to get into the third, their child is sent miles across town; three nonreligious schools would have been genuine choice. A YouGov poll shows that more than half of voters oppose this. While Northern Ireland struggles with sectarianism festering in religious schools, this is no time to foster yet more segregation.
So what do we do about the madmen? Bombs do change things, maybe not in the extremists' favour. A great shift in attitude seems to have swept through many Muslim groups who signed the full-page newspaper statement yesterday headed "Not in Our Name". Many were equivocators on the fatwa that had Salman Rushdie locked away for years. At the time Iqbal Sacranie himself said: "Death, perhaps, is too easy for him ... his mind must be tormented for the rest of his life unless he asks forgiveness to Almighty Allah." Nowadays Sir Iqbal is a leading moderate, showing how tolerance grows, given a chance.
The statement read: "We will not allow our faith to be hijacked by a few extremists. British Muslims should not be held responsible for the acts of a few individuals." Entirely right . Yet - like members of the same family - like it or not they are stuck with responsibility for rooting out wild men hiding in their midst and questioning what elements of their religious practice have proven so lethal. But no one can police minds and no new draconian laws to silence thinkers and preachers will ever stop dangerous ideas.
All the state can do is hold on to secular values. It can encourage the moderate but it must not appease religion. The constitutional absurdity of an established church once seemed an irrelevance, but now it obliges similar privileges to all other faiths. There is still time - it may take a nonreligious leader - to stop this madness and separate the state and its schools from all religion. It won't stop the bombing now but at least it would not encourage continued school segregation for generations to come. And it might clear the air of the clouds of hypocrisy, twisted thinking and circumlocution whenever a politician mentions religion.
Email her polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk
Two weeks on, London is stricken once more. The death cult strikes again, unstoppable in its deranged religious mania. This time no deaths but a savage reminder of the unknown waves of demented killers lining up to murder in the name of God.
Whatever they intended, the message was loud and clear: they can and will do this whenever they want and it does indeed spread very real terror. The police have said there are many more of them. The security services have already revealed that they know absolutely nothing.
In the growing fear and anger at what more may be to come, apologists or explainers for these young men can expect short shrift. This is not about poverty, deprivation or cultural dislocation of second-generation immigrants. There is plenty of that and it is passive. Iraq is the immediate trigger, but this is about religious delusion.
All religions are prone to it, given the right circumstances. How could those who preach the absolute revealed truth of every word of a primitive book not be prone to insanity? There have been sects of killer Christians and indeed the whole of Christendom has been at times bent on wiping out heathens. Jewish zealots in their settlements crazily claim legal rights to land from the Old Testament. Some African Pentecostal churches harbour sects of torturing exorcism and child abuse. Muslims have a very long tradition of jihadist slaughter. Sikhs rose up to stop a play that exposed deformities of abuse within their temples. Buddhism too has its sinister wing. See how far-right evangelicals have kidnapped US politics and warped its secular, liberal founding traditions. Intense belief, incantations, secrecy and all-male rituals breed perversions and danger, abusing women and children and infecting young men with frenzy, no matter what the name of the faith.
Enlightenment values are in peril not because these mad beliefs are really growing but because too many rational people seek to appease and understand unreason. Extreme superstition breeds extreme action. Those who believe they alone know the only way, truth and life will always feel justified in doing anything in its name. You would, wouldn't you, if you alone had the magic answer to everything? If religions teach that life after death is better then it is hardly surprising that some crazed followers will actually believe it.
Moderates of these faiths may be as gentle as the carefully homogenised Thought for the Day preachers. But other equally authentic voices of religion, the likes of Ian Paisley or Omar Bakri Muhammad, represent a virulent intolerance that is airbrushed out by an official intellectual conspiracy to pretend that religion is always or mainly beneficent. History suggests otherwise. So do events on the streets of London. Meanwhile the far left, forever thrilled by the whiff of cordite, has bizarrely decided to fellow-travel with primitive Islamic extremism as the best available anti-Americanism around. (Never mind their new friends' views on women, gays and democracy.)
It is time now to get serious about religion - all religion - and draw a firm line between the real world and the world of dreams. Tony Blair has taken entirely the wrong path. He has appeased, prevaricated and pretended, maybe because he is a man of faith himself, with a Catholic wife who consorts with crystals. But never was it more important to separate the state from all faiths and relegate all religion to the private - but well-regulated - sphere.
Instead David Blunkett said he wished he could spread the ethos of religious schools everywhere and Labour has done just that. The 3% of the population who are Muslim may well feel excluded in a country that makes so many special allowances for Christians when slightly more Muslims go to the mosque than Anglicans attend a church once a week.
A third of all state schools are religious. The National Secular Society, a lone voice in monitoring their onward march, reports that Labour has let 40 more nonreligious state secondaries be taken over by the Church of England in the last four years, with another 54 about to go. The Office for the Schools Adjudicator said in a recent report that the only reason faith schools often achieve better results is because of "their practice of selection from churchgoing families". That attracts the pretend churchgoers, but selection, not religion, is the magic.
In the face of this hypocrisy it seems a small thing to let Muslims have more schools too. Only this week Ruth Kelly (devout herself) announced plans to go ahead in her autumn white paper with more Muslim schools. Bombs, she said, would not stop her policy of offering more "choice" and allowing more faith groups, including Muslims, to run schools. A Hindu state school will open soon in Harrow.
But this is not choice. Only yesterday an angry email arrived from a parent on the south coast protesting that the only choice of primary school was a C of E, a Catholic and an oversubscribed ordinary school. Disqualified from the first two, failing to get into the third, their child is sent miles across town; three nonreligious schools would have been genuine choice. A YouGov poll shows that more than half of voters oppose this. While Northern Ireland struggles with sectarianism festering in religious schools, this is no time to foster yet more segregation.
So what do we do about the madmen? Bombs do change things, maybe not in the extremists' favour. A great shift in attitude seems to have swept through many Muslim groups who signed the full-page newspaper statement yesterday headed "Not in Our Name". Many were equivocators on the fatwa that had Salman Rushdie locked away for years. At the time Iqbal Sacranie himself said: "Death, perhaps, is too easy for him ... his mind must be tormented for the rest of his life unless he asks forgiveness to Almighty Allah." Nowadays Sir Iqbal is a leading moderate, showing how tolerance grows, given a chance.
The statement read: "We will not allow our faith to be hijacked by a few extremists. British Muslims should not be held responsible for the acts of a few individuals." Entirely right . Yet - like members of the same family - like it or not they are stuck with responsibility for rooting out wild men hiding in their midst and questioning what elements of their religious practice have proven so lethal. But no one can police minds and no new draconian laws to silence thinkers and preachers will ever stop dangerous ideas.
All the state can do is hold on to secular values. It can encourage the moderate but it must not appease religion. The constitutional absurdity of an established church once seemed an irrelevance, but now it obliges similar privileges to all other faiths. There is still time - it may take a nonreligious leader - to stop this madness and separate the state and its schools from all religion. It won't stop the bombing now but at least it would not encourage continued school segregation for generations to come. And it might clear the air of the clouds of hypocrisy, twisted thinking and circumlocution whenever a politician mentions religion.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
God says "Enough"
In a move that has stunned observers God has decided to patent free will. A statement issued from Heaven read:
"Due to the extraordinary events carried out by human beings in His name, God has decided to patent free will. Free will is God's invention and while previously being given away, free will now be subject to a punishment when used invoking The Almighty. The charge of a free will event will be decided upon at a later date. Users of free will can continue to do so without charge so as long as God is not referenced as an influence on decision, or is only referenced indirectly, to wit: "God gave me free will so I can do what I like." Anybody ascribing to the philosophy that "God made them do it" is in direct contravention of the patent and will face a stern penalty. God has found this step necessary due to the amount of atrocities carried out in His name, and is unwilling to negotiate any further."
Celestial commentators are surprised by God's interventionism, but are generally heartened by the decision. Elsewhere three atheists decided to test God's resolve by killing a cat in His name and were instantly smited.
Buddha, Mohammed, Vishnu and Jeff Bezos are believed to be contesting the patent.
Bertie Bertie Bertie .... you have got to be kidding
Infacta, get the ex in , shes on me case!
Where would you get it ... Ireland
Which do you think is the real story
a) The famous consumer rights champion Celia Larkin has been given a new job.
b) Bertie has given his ex bird a cushy number to keep her quiet.
I fucking despair at the arrogance .....
Where would you get it ... Ireland
Which do you think is the real story
a) The famous consumer rights champion Celia Larkin has been given a new job.
b) Bertie has given his ex bird a cushy number to keep her quiet.
I fucking despair at the arrogance .....
Friday, July 15, 2005
Are you Potty for Potter?
Tonight at 00:01 BST sees the release of the new Harry Potter book Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
There seems to be alot of hype around this book release the 6th in the Harry Potter series. I heard on the radio this morning that the number of books that have been ordered for the release of this book if stacked on top of each other would be higher than Mount Everest.
All I can say is I've seen the first 3 movies and they were good old entertainment, but reading an 800 page book about a teenage wizard just doesn't appeal to me, unlike other member(s) of this Blog!
Anyway Enjoy the book Potter Fans, I'm sure your purchases will add greatly to J.K. Rowlings already massive wealth of almost $1bn.
There seems to be alot of hype around this book release the 6th in the Harry Potter series. I heard on the radio this morning that the number of books that have been ordered for the release of this book if stacked on top of each other would be higher than Mount Everest.
All I can say is I've seen the first 3 movies and they were good old entertainment, but reading an 800 page book about a teenage wizard just doesn't appeal to me, unlike other member(s) of this Blog!
Anyway Enjoy the book Potter Fans, I'm sure your purchases will add greatly to J.K. Rowlings already massive wealth of almost $1bn.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Man U Supporters Club Psychic Division
The psychic division of the Man U supporters club have for a while now being prophesying the removal of Manchester United Football Club from the stock market. A quantum singularity centered around Old Trafford stadium brought flags and caps from the future boldly prophesying that the club was "not for sale". Why the supporters decided to use the extra-sensory powers in such a benign way is a mystery.
A spokesperson from the department of experimental psychology from the University of Oxford, suggested that anomaly has occurred due to the collective conscious of so many people looking toward a future event, thereby influencing it. Ordinary people may not of had the same devotion to the club and therefore could only see events as they stood and that Man United football was indeed for sale. You could have a piece just by calling your broker.
A new flag has been issued to rectify up any misunderstanding.
A spokesperson from the department of experimental psychology from the University of Oxford, suggested that anomaly has occurred due to the collective conscious of so many people looking toward a future event, thereby influencing it. Ordinary people may not of had the same devotion to the club and therefore could only see events as they stood and that Man United football was indeed for sale. You could have a piece just by calling your broker.
A new flag has been issued to rectify up any misunderstanding.
Friday, June 17, 2005
In the interest of balance
These are a shower of cunts as well
Bigots
Advanced Bigots
International Bigots
Today, as always, the members of The Orange Order are pledged to: "strenuously oppose the fatal errors and doctrines of the Church of Rome, and scrupulously avoid countenancing (by his presence or otherwise) any act of ceremony of Popish worship; he should by all lawful means, resist the ascendancy of that Church, its encroachments, and the extension of its powers". (Qualifications of an Orangeman)
Or the even less ecumenical
On July 12, 1996, Robert Saulters, later elected Grand Master of the Orange Order, told the Orange Order that British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, "has already sold his birthright by marrying a Romanist. He would sell his soul to the devil himself. He is not loyal to his religion. He is a turncoat."
Not surprising when you consider the following?
The Act of Settlement 1701 provides the moral and political justification for all Orange anti-Catholic bigotry in Northern Ireland. And it is a law to which the Orangemen are fiercely attached, and to which their allegiance belongs. This law forbids a Catholic from being the Monarch and if the Monarch marries a Catholic or converts to Catholicism, he/she forfeits the Crown and the people are "absolved of their allegiance".
I've said it before and I will say it again western civilisation is in decline.
Bigots
Advanced Bigots
International Bigots
Today, as always, the members of The Orange Order are pledged to: "strenuously oppose the fatal errors and doctrines of the Church of Rome, and scrupulously avoid countenancing (by his presence or otherwise) any act of ceremony of Popish worship; he should by all lawful means, resist the ascendancy of that Church, its encroachments, and the extension of its powers". (Qualifications of an Orangeman)
Or the even less ecumenical
On July 12, 1996, Robert Saulters, later elected Grand Master of the Orange Order, told the Orange Order that British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, "has already sold his birthright by marrying a Romanist. He would sell his soul to the devil himself. He is not loyal to his religion. He is a turncoat."
Not surprising when you consider the following?
The Act of Settlement 1701 provides the moral and political justification for all Orange anti-Catholic bigotry in Northern Ireland. And it is a law to which the Orangemen are fiercely attached, and to which their allegiance belongs. This law forbids a Catholic from being the Monarch and if the Monarch marries a Catholic or converts to Catholicism, he/she forfeits the Crown and the people are "absolved of their allegiance".
I've said it before and I will say it again western civilisation is in decline.
And you wonder why I have no respect for the church
"A referendum to overturn parts of a restrictive Italian fertility law, adopted last year, failed as turnout, which had to be 50% for the vote to pass, was only 26%. The pope and Catholic bishops had urged Italians not to vote."
Not here's the reasons why we disagree, argue, debate, excersise your democratic rights fought for and won over hundreds of years.
No.
Don't Vote.
Fucking pathetic.
Not here's the reasons why we disagree, argue, debate, excersise your democratic rights fought for and won over hundreds of years.
No.
Don't Vote.
Fucking pathetic.
Enlightened Man.
The good times were great, I’ll never forget.
Drunk, Happy and High. No regrets.
Beaches hot, never a storm.
Women I had, such perfect form.
But in case you think it was all just a trip,
I here annotate. Bad memories slip.
First there was love, mostly a sham
A wiser man, Don’t give a damn.
Makira the first, tried to give help
But I didn’t need it; I lied to myself
He gave story with story, but I didn’t see.
That each and all; were all about me.
For a while was lost; vision impaired
But a local stranger, my course steered.
If some day that stranger is me
I’ll gladly fulfil, for Karma to see.
Teddycow in her arms, I dared not glance,
Scared the sight of her tears; yet another chance.
I sat and I cried, and all people they stared.
They marched her away, confused why I cared.
Canome with Ice, I flew Ryanair
Helicopter; Jep; Dispelled Dispair.
Orange is Som; Succulent Sweet
Dirty was Clean; Her friend I meet.
Things I knew sure, wholly and true
Have faded about me, bigotry blues.
The outside and inside are never the same
I know this now. And so glad I came.
With the best will in the world, some things break
And with a stroke of luck; a million you make.
Avoid confrontation. Its all the same.
Win or lose. Your playing a game.
Accept some answers, can never be found.
There is a god. I heard his sound.
Every day of my journey, some happy and sad,
New lessons were learnt, School’s not so bad.
So after it all, I’m back with no tan.
Doesn’t matter to me, because I’m an enlightened man.
PS : References here, are quite obscure.
I will explain, of that I'm sure.
But not right now, I need some time.
Still wrapped in my thoughts, me and mine.
The good times were great, I’ll never forget.
Drunk, Happy and High. No regrets.
Beaches hot, never a storm.
Women I had, such perfect form.
But in case you think it was all just a trip,
I here annotate. Bad memories slip.
First there was love, mostly a sham
A wiser man, Don’t give a damn.
Makira the first, tried to give help
But I didn’t need it; I lied to myself
He gave story with story, but I didn’t see.
That each and all; were all about me.
For a while was lost; vision impaired
But a local stranger, my course steered.
If some day that stranger is me
I’ll gladly fulfil, for Karma to see.
Teddycow in her arms, I dared not glance,
Scared the sight of her tears; yet another chance.
I sat and I cried, and all people they stared.
They marched her away, confused why I cared.
Canome with Ice, I flew Ryanair
Helicopter; Jep; Dispelled Dispair.
Orange is Som; Succulent Sweet
Dirty was Clean; Her friend I meet.
Things I knew sure, wholly and true
Have faded about me, bigotry blues.
The outside and inside are never the same
I know this now. And so glad I came.
With the best will in the world, some things break
And with a stroke of luck; a million you make.
Avoid confrontation. Its all the same.
Win or lose. Your playing a game.
Accept some answers, can never be found.
There is a god. I heard his sound.
Every day of my journey, some happy and sad,
New lessons were learnt, School’s not so bad.
So after it all, I’m back with no tan.
Doesn’t matter to me, because I’m an enlightened man.
PS : References here, are quite obscure.
I will explain, of that I'm sure.
But not right now, I need some time.
Still wrapped in my thoughts, me and mine.
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