Solving the cocaine problem.

I read an article on the internet today about vaccines being developed for nicotine and cocaine addition. It’s just the sort of fucking about the human body I find simultaneously interesting and really, really scary. Apparently human trials are underway (Hey! It worked on the Monkeys! The Capuchins aren’t wearing sunglasses any more! They seem to pretty angry and depressed too…), so maybe we will see this magic bullet sometime by 2020.

Now, while the scientists think they may be benefiting society with their invention (a stretch, I admit: google exhibit A: Fluorescent Cats), it is easy to predict function creep. Now I can take drugs when I am bored, or when I am not bored, or indeed anytime at all and then take a vaccine to remove all future effects. I’ll still need to overcome the addiction, which is, I suppose, a drawback. However in clinical trials overcoming addiction is apparently going well, with users not switching to other drugs.

The next step is to make cocaine free. I was going to say “widely available” but this is 2007, everyman and his dog can get cocaine if they so desire. Needless to say, the Colombian drug lords won’t be to cooperative about giving their marching powder away free gratis, so it stands to reason that we will need an army of robots to grow it on the moon.

While my Lunar-Automatons are at it, they can start cultivating opium and heroin. The Thai warlords in the Golden Triangle mightn’t like this, but my plot involves making them think the Taliban are to blame. Hopefully this will lead to mutually-assured-destruction. I’ll explain my plan to the Americans and they’ll fund it all. They have a good track record in this area, and will get to bomb Afghanistan again, lucky boys. We’ll set the winners up against the Colombians.

Once my drugs hit the streets, people with weak hearts or other complaints may continue to die due to overdoses, but I’ll have to chalk this up to Darwin at work. If you are not aware of the dangers of cocaine or heroin abuse you are either living in a cave, are irretrievably stupid, or just don’t care. My Mooncoke® will be pure (no cement, petrol, laxative, talcum powder, chalk etc.), so will minimise the risk as much as possible.

Parents may choose to inoculate their children against the effects of drugs. This is a mistake, and will be made illegal. The children need to become addicted, so by overcoming addiction they are made stronger. While society may first baulk at feeding children LunarHorse® for breakfast, hopefully the benefits will soon become clear. By overcoming addiction in the formative years, children will less likely to succumb to addiction as adults. Those children whose addictions cannot be broken, will be boiled down for glue.

Synthetic drugs of any sort will all be banned. My robots will flood the market with lethal-variants, making sure that any dabbling in the area will have an odds-on chance of death. You would do well do remember that I am looking out for your best interests, and yes, I do know best.

Now the governments of the world mightn’t like this, most likely because free things don’t have any tax revenue. Some angry parents may not like swapping their offspring for a tin of evostick. They may try and tax the vaccine, but then they’ll be causing a drug epidemic. It’s a real Smack-22. Perhaps they’ll come after me.

Not a wise move, don’t they know I have an army of robots?

I am not dead, but I am a little closer.

A quick note to say I am not dead.

Though not blogging (at all), I always have a few in mind (a very boring essay on superman for one, and more of me naked for two).

As for getting older, I was in the IT room bending over replacing a hard disk.
When I stood up, without warning, a stream of vomit came out of my nose.

Most unpleasant.

I had a meme

Meme (pron:(/mi:m/) [meem]) n. [Origin: 1976; < Gk mīmeǐsthai to imitate, copy; coined by R.Dawkins, Brit. biologist, boring twit]

1.   A mechanism for socially retarded fuckwits to disseminate half-baked crap to their moronic friends

2.   A way for Internet monkeys to plagiarise other peoples ideas and claim them as their own

3.   All your base are belong to us

What we did for the weekend !

A couple of the lads came to my house for the weekend and here's what happened:

• We got wet in the rain


• Like 4 big kids we based our way around on the Bumpers


• I survived the longest in a 4 way shooting game in the arcade

Alan had the fasest Camel (twice) he won a deck of cards and some really plastic poker chips

• Conor & Al hammered myself and Michael in table football


• Michael got some exercise beating some really old arcade game that involved him punching alot of pads


• Myself & Michael remained unbeated in Doubles playing both Virtual Tennis & Top Spin 2 on the Xbox 360


• Conor played football !!! (OK he played PES 6 on the xbox360)


• I won the Poker session


• Conor & Michael had an epic encounter on Top Spin 2 to see who was the best, after the first set ending 6-6 they decided not to play anymore. I captured a small clip of the boys in action, see video below.


• Conor won Rock Paper Sissors for the Double Bed, his greatest victory all night he reckons...

Metro Sense

My letter in the Metro today:



It makes sense if you read the Metro letters page on a semi-regular basis. People are accusing me of making it too highbrow. Keep your peepers peeled for the follow up: "Screw them single mothers."

Conor loves cock.

I got sent this today. Thanks Gerry.

Holidaying in Ireland

I'm currently on Holidays in Killarney and man the weather sucks!
Nothing but fecking rain all week, what the hell is going on for Gods sake it's July you know.

Ooooh! New shoes?

Bought some runners: Asics Gel-Foundation 7's.



"A versatile motion control shoe that provides the overpronators with a flexible, yet supportive base"

Features include:
AHAR
spEVA lasted
Air Mesh
Compression Molded EVA sockliner
spEVA
3M Scotchlite
Personal Heel Fit

Maaaan! Wearing these puppies the other triathletes don't stand a chance.

And they cost less then my bike.

Triathlon

A couple of chaps in work are running in the Dublin City Triathlon. I half-heartedly said I'd give it a go.

There are a couple of issues around this (always with the excuses)

I am a fat fuck

I have young children

I have no runners

I have a shit bike

I have no wetsuit

I have taken no serious exercise in 15 years

So, if I am going to take this seriously here's the plan:

Buy runners. Make sure that they cost more than the bike.

Ride the bike I have

Buy a wetsuit

Run small distances at night

Cycle to work

Swim

Swim in a river

That's it eh? Willpower required. Lots and lots and lots. We'll see, I'm not very hopeful.

Information is a super-weird substance

Couple of things.



I bought "The Mindscape of Alan Moore" on DVD. I am promised a psychedelic journey into one of the world's most powerful minds. You can see the trailer here. The only thing that puts me off a little is the way the director calls himself "DeZ VYLENZ" (sic.)

Promises to be good. Sinead is not very enthusiastic about watching it, so the review may have to wait a while. The three hours of extras will definitely involve me finding some time to myself.

Talking about Sinead and Alan Moore, I bought Lost Girls a while back which I must finish reading. Sin read it and enjoyed it, I think. I'll ask her to post her comments.

Maybe after watching and reading the above, I'll buy Robert Anton Wilson's Maybe Logic. You can watch the trailer here.

If you go to Pope Bob's (RIP) site he is selling a DVD called "Wilhiem Reich in Hell." Due to previous cloudbusting efforts, I'd consider purchasing this, but even I have limits. An Am-Dram courtroom-punk drama that I didn't make myself is probably that limit.

Apologies if this looks a bit like a wikipedia entry