Free Train Entertainment



I was travelling on the train from Waterford to Dublin on Wednesday evening.

We were just after Carlow when all of a sudden I got a faint whiff of smoke, surely it can't be I was thinking, what about the smoking ban. But before I could even finish the sentence in my head the guy sitting opposite me across the isle jumped out of his seat and confronted the woman sitting directly
behind me. Just before I detail the conversation this woman was travelling with another female around the same age, middle forties, and another male friend about in his mid to late sixties. 

The Conversation went as follows:

Concerned Passenger: 
Can you please put out hat cigarette please, your not allowed smoke here

Smoking Female: Yeah OK no problem

Male Friend: Excuse me, Do you have a problem with my lady friend smoking.

The rest of the Train Carriage: Yes,
its against the law.

Male Friend:
Well what if we had a problem with you reading your book

Concerned Passenger: Well thats not against the law smoking on the train is.

Male
Friend: Well I suppose you've never broken the law

Concerned Passenger: Well no I haven't

Male Friend:   Well I don't believe that

Anyway the conversation fizzled out after that.  We arrive in Kilkenny
station and the Smoking Female proceeds to call her son on her mobile
phone.  She's not the kind of person to have a quite private conversation,
I think the people 3 carriages probably heard it as well.  It went along
the lines of Some F%^Ker wouldn't let me smoke on the train etc....

Next stop after Kilkenny is Thomastown, where our concerned Passenger is
departing, but as he puts on his coat ready to leave the train when it arrives
in Thomastown he decides to have a quick word with our Lady friend before
leaving, it went along these lines.

Concerned Passenger: Goodbye now and have a good journey and more importantly left everyone else
have a good journey and don't light up when I'm gone

Smoking Female: Fair enough, goodbye.

Male Friend:    Started moaning again about the fact that he had the cheek to ask his good
lady friend to stop smoking

Just then along arrives Bob, the ticket collector, or as he refers to himself
the Boss on the Train.

Bob: Whats going on here

Concerned Passenger: Its nothing.

Male Friend:    This guy had the cheek to ask my lady Friend to stop smoking

Bob:  What did you just say.

Male Friend: (Realises his mistake) Nothing

Bob:     You just made a statement that your lady friend was smoking, thats against the
law, I won't have it.

Male Friend:   Muttered something to the effect of the Concerned Passenger being a
gooseberry for snitching.

Bob: No sir, you made the statement not this Passenger.  you will also refrain
from calling other Passengers names on my train or I'll have you ejected.

This continued on for another minute or two, then bob decided he had enough
and was continuing on his job checking tickets.  The concerned Passenger
had departed at this stage. I showed my ticket to Bob.  The smoking Female
showed her ticket, followed by the Male Friend, who had a free travel ticket.

Bob:  Can I see your Travel Pass as well please.  (free travel tickets are no
good unless you can produce your travel pass as well which contains your photo, but this is the first time I've seen Bob looking for one)

Male Friend: What travel pass?

Bob: Can I see your Travel Pass as well please. 

Male Friend:  What travel pass?

Bob: Can I see your Travel Pass as well please. 

Smoking Female: Show his you pass,
the one with your picture on it, come on.

Bob: Strolls to the open Door on the train carriage.  Can you tell the driver to
hold the train for a minute I having a small problem in here with a Passenger.

Smoking Female: Come on hurry up
he's going to F$%k you off the train.

Eventually finds travel pass, and were on our merry way again. 
Conversation continues between the 3 people.

Smoking Female: Bloody ticket
collector, he took that other guys side over yours just because hes a regular
traveller on the train.

Male Friend: I know, he thinks he's so smart.

Smoking Female: On the train up this
morning it was full of American tourists and they didn't have a problem with me
having a fag.

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