Sky Views

Dear Rupert,

I was watching a Malcolm in the Middle repeat hour on Sky One a couple of weeks ago and instead of the second episode my TV cut over to Sky News. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I immediately blamed my cable provider Chorus. This is because Chorus’s service is abysmal, as opposed to your service, which while never-ending repetitive drivel is reasonably competent.

Anyway, instead of watching Malcolm outsmart his teacher, and Hal forget Lois’s birthday again, I got Grainne Seoige reading the “News.” Now I do like Grainne Seoige, and I don’t get to see her a lot since you took her off TV3 and relegated her to channel 15, but I don’t think this was your motive. Nope. No one was watching Sky News Ireland because it is shit, and so you are force feeding it to us when we want to watch re-runs of shows we’ve seen 15 times before. Fact is I can’t watch Sky News anyway because my baby-monitor interferes with the signal. No loss as far as I am concerned.

If only my TV had picture in picture I could turn off the baby monitor, watch Sky News and Sky News simultaneously and pretend that Grainne has a twin sister. It could be a difficult one to explain when my wife comes in to watch Home and Away. You couldn’t arrange for Sky News to replace this instead?

Please stop this crap. Please. And by please stop, I mean: please stop making News up, please stop showing this shit on Sky 1 and leave on the channel that nobody watches, please show repeats of the Simpsons after series 3, please pick up Firefly, please pick up Futurama again, please pretend to care.

Oh and Rupert? I am not a crank.

Regards,
Conor