13,000 ft is pretty high ....

So yesterday I strolled into Sydney Skydivers just around the corner from the YHA, handed over my $100 deposit, for a tandem skydive.

So this morning, got up at 6.00 o clock and headed over.

Now I can honestly say that up to this point nerves of any sort hadn't been an issue. Statisically safer than driving a car and all that ....

Well when I arrive into their office this morning, and am sitting there waiting for the bus to bring us out, they put on a promotional video showing lots of exciting skydives. Of course, by exciting I mean Holy FUCK!!! what the hell are those people doing. Look those idiots are jumping out of perfectly good planes. And its bloody high up too.

From that point, I'm man enough to say, I was bricking it. On the bus out everyone, and I even mean the 60 yr old mother, asked me if I was alright and if perhaps I was feeling a little nervous. NERVOUS!!!!! I was about to die what did they expect?

Arrive at the jump center, and I'm put into the second load. This means that I get to see all the first load jump to their certain dooms. I wonder quietly do they have more instructors, for when half this lot are ink blots.

Filling out the 42 page disclaimer I notice that the the first line reads "Sky diving is a dangerous activity and accidents causing injury and death can and often do happen". What!!! OFTEN???? Now, often is how frequently I went to the crapper in south east asia. Often could describe thoughts I have of quitting work and coming back out here. Often should not, and I mean, never describe the frequency of deaths in any activity done just for kicks.

Now, at no point was there ever a real chance that I wasn't going to do the jump, but I think giving a flavour of how nervous I was is important.

In an unlikely turn of events, if the disclaimer is to be believed, none of jumpers in the first load, are either injured or die. Apparently the odds of someone buying it in the second load have just gone up dramatically.

Into a jump suit. Into a harness. Examine the dodgy stiching and flimsy hooks. How can something that small be expected to hold a man of my girth onto my instructor, Lee. He seems quite laid back about the whole thing. He makes some not very funny jokes about us dieing. He of course asks if I'm a little nervous.

Meet my camera guy, he of course is laid back. Jokes about Lee's ass being the last thing to go through my mind if we die. Asks if I'm a little nervous.

Ok, now for something where death is so often, we might well have expected a gruelling several hour primer on the rudimentary basics of aerodynamics, and a few hours on emergency procedures. But instead I get a four minute, count em four minute, description of how exactly I'm going to die. When I say this, put your hands here and your legs here. When I say that, put your hands there and legs there. Never touch my hands, or else I will bite your head.

Onto the plane, sit on the floor. Lee blesses himself. During the climb I fidget relentlessly, because I can't figure out a leg postion that stops my knees from shaking. Eventually settle on a hand on each knee to keep them steady. Find out later that the look on my face is keeping the mother and son across from me immensely entertained.

15 minutes of spiralling ascent later we stand up. Lee clips himself onto my back. Fiddles with some straps. Plays a juvenile game of stuffing tissue paper down other instructors backs. C'mon man, there's serious business to had here.

Jesus Lee, look over there, I think. Some fool has just opened the back door. Oh my god someone's just jumped out. Should we send flowers?

So the moment arrives. My cameraman, grabs the side of the plane and leans back. Lee grabs above the door frame, and calls for legs back. This is without a doubt the single scariest moment ever. Legs back, calls for you to crouch down, let Lee's harness take my weight, then cross my legs, take them off the ground, and put them back between Lee's. Of course while doing this you're leaning forward slightly, looking down at the ground 13 and half thousand feet away.

Well I do it on Q, Lee gives the camera man the thumbs and whoosshh!!!

Holy fuckbag!!

The 60 seconds of freefall that follows defies adequate descrition. Amazing, Fantastic, Brilliant, a complete rush. Lots of trying to give cool looking thumbs up's to the camera but on inspection of the video later, failing miserably. The minute feels like its over in about 5 seconds. The tug tug and whoosh again as the chute deploys. It take a few seconds to me to figure if everything is ok. It is and suddenly everything is quite quiet.

The rest of the parachute descent take about 4 minutes, during which he points out sydney on the horizon amongst other things.

Seconds from landing the call for knees up. Up the go, and the landing is complete if a little ungainly.

Stand up exhilarated. Amazed at the whole experience. Desperate to do it again at some point. Surely the best AUD$275 I'll spend on holiday.

Later watch back the video with Lee and the camera guy. Apparently I'm wearing a loose fitting rubber mask. Or are they rolls of fat?

All bloody good fun.

Michael